I’ve got just one more observation about my recently abandoned hobby. There was one real benefit that I gained while role-playing to reel in some of my recent targets. For a couple of these guys, I really pushed the single mother aspect. I laid it on thick about working too hard to support my daughter and myself, that I’m tired and need a man to take care of us. To support and protect us. I mean, really thick. But this let me inhabit a mental space that I specifically avoid in reality.
Usually, I’m full-steam ahead, doing my own thing. I just do, right? I don’t let myself wallow (very much) in complaining about what has to be done, preferring instead to get it done. But for a couple weeks, I was able to play the damsel in distress in need of a rescuing knight. And it was kind of nice. It was freeing to let down the wall a little bit. Not to the point of actually emotionally needing to be rescued, but just typing the words did allow me to pretend for a little bit. I got to pretend that there was someone I could trust to have my back and help me carry the load, and they had to pretend that they would be there for me forever.
That’s what’s so attractive about romance scammers. They give you exactly what you want, with none of the downside of actually having to negotiate a relationship with another person. They give attention, support, and love at a level that is near impossible for a real person to sustain because a real person has his own life: a job, family, responsibilities. Scammers love you like it’s their job, because it is.
Being the recipient of that kind of devotion feels really good, but only as long as you can pretend it’s real. And, to me, pretending to be a damsel in distress feels much better than actually being a damsel in distress. It would be so uncomfortable for me to be that reliant on another person, to be that vulnerable. But pretending to be helpless can scratch that itch, without the stress of actually being helpless. It’s like a release valve. A very important release valve. Bad things happen when I have to be strong and stay focused on my responsibilities all the time.
“All work and no play” is what started this whole adventure in the first place, after all. In March, I had been so focused on working and caring for my daughter that I needed a break and a distraction. That’s why I started conversing in the first place with the man who would turn out to be My First Scammer©. But that’s a whole ‘nother story. And boy is it a doozy.
Carmen Contra 